10 Commandments of Pregnancy

One thing you quickly learn after becoming pregnant is that pregnancy comes with a nice, full list of “can’t do’s” and “must do’s.” I think there’s even an entire book about how many ways you can make your child come out looking like Mickey Rourke with the mental capacity of Megan Fox. While I understand that the parasite growing within needs healthy building blocks to build basic body parts, I don’t understand the obsession with teratogens that affect 1% of the pregnant population. Many of these ideals are quite frankly antiquated and have little research to back up their claims.

DISCLAIMER: This is probably the lamest, most pedantic post I’ll ever have…and it’s based off of very general research. So if you’re pregnant and the baby comes out looking like a piece of cabbage, don’t blame me.

I. Thou shalt not consume fish high in mercury and/or raw fish

- TRANSLATION: Saki-to-anyone-but-me.

- FACTS: Pre-pregnancy Amanda ate sushi at least 1-2 times per week, and seared tuna just about every week. This was one of my primary sources of Omega-3’s (which are essential to fetal development and heart health). So I stopped eating a lot of fish. Upon further research, mercury levels in most fresh market fish are low enough to ingest on a fairly regular basis. In fact, one study compared pregnant women who 1) didn’t eat seafood, 2) ate it moderately (less than 340g) and 3) women who ate it regularly (more than 340g). This research revealed significant IQ differences between the women who ate seafood regularly and those that didn’t at all. In fact, it was deemed more detrimental to deprive the fetus of seafood than it was to expose it to whatever misconceived “poison” that seafood/fish contains.

II. Thou shalt not consume lunch meat or soft cheeses

- TRANSLATION: Subway $5 footlongs out of the budget…along with my favorite feta and goat cheeses.

- FACTS: Listeria is a bacteria that can cause (you guessed it)- Listerosis. Listerosis is basically an infection caused from ingesting deli meats, improperly cooked meat and soft cheeses. It is VERY rare (around 2,500 cases in the US), however almost 30% of those diagnosed are pregnant women (meaning 750 pregnant women). The truth? Yes, I could get it if I eat 15 day old lunch meat and gnaw on some uncooked chicken. Gross image, I know. And I could get it from eating unpasteurized soft cheese…but I have yet to find an unpasteurized soft cheese (though I haven’t eaten bleu cheese just yet). Call me a rebel, but I think my chances are pretty safe.

III. Thou shalt not exceed a heart rate of 140 bpm during exercise

- TRANSLATION: Wrap yourself in bubble wrap from chest-down to uterus before exercising . This includes checking the mail, taking a shower, getting into your car, and going to the mall.

- FACTS: This may be the most outdated information of them all. This rule is supposed to apply to all pregnant women – those who were overweight before they got pregnant and even those who were active beforehand. Call it tooting my own horn, but I’m in the very-active lifestyle category. 140 bpm is my warm up! Not to mention, I’ve been all-gas-no-brakes my entire life…and now I have to exercise with a walker (or so it feels like). Much to many people’s disconcertment, I even still play volleyball (gasp!). So, do I exercise as intensely as before? Absolutely not. I am still able to do Crossfit workouts, I just take down the weight. I can still do pull-ups, pushups, and even box jumps. During volleyball, I am careful not to dive…though instinct is difficult to counter, I have been able to manage. My test for fatigue? I make sure that I am able to speak full sentences during a workout. So I look completely insane, but who really cares?

IV. Thou shalt consume (8) 8 oz glasses of water a day

- TRANSLATION: And people wonder why pregnant women pee so often.

- FACTS: The amniotic sac needs plenty of fluid. In order to supply enough, 80 ounces a day seems to be more appropriate, and even more if you’re active!

V. Thou shalt not consume caffeine

- TRANSLATION: Red Bull’s wings have been dismantled.

- FACTS: Most doctors agree that one cup of regular coffee a day won’t hurt the baby. I really, REALLY loved my coffee, so this one has been a toughie. I usually only drink coffee on the weekends, but occasionally indulge during the week if I’m particularly vulnerable.

VI. Thou shalt not consume alcoholic beverages

- TRANSLATION: No buzzing allowed.

- FACTS: Rumor has it that the occasional glass of wine isn’t harmful. Think of it this way – our grandmothers were smoking and shooting whiskey when they were pregnant with our parents (which could explain a lot…). Modern times call for different measures. Some women continue to moderately drink throughout their pregnancy, but the link between FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and frequent drinking is one that can’t be ignored. Once I transitioned to the second trimester, I had my first glass of wine…and it took me an hour to drink it. And no, it wasn’t the glass that holds an entire bottle.

VII. Thou shalt park in Expectant Mother parking spaces

- TRANSLATION: Piss a lot of people off when you don’t even look pregnant by parking in the designated spot.

- FACTS: Women with a lot of YOUNG children should take those spots without reservation. Pregnant women…well, as long as my two happy feet can move they will!

VIII. Thou shalt increase dairy intake for extra calcium needs

- TRANSLATION: Buy a cow. And milk it.

- FACTS: DAIRY IS THE DEVIL. First of all, cow’s milk has very little absorbable calcium due to its high protein content. AND, just take a look at every other mammal in the animal kingdom. What other mammal drinks milk after they are weaned? NONE of them. Not to mention, cows (like humans) are only meant to nurse one time in their life, which is when they give birth. What keeps cows producing milk? Why Bovine Growth Hormone (BGH) , a genetically engineered hormone of course! And where do the remnants of the hormone go? Directly into our bodies, folks. BGH is actually outlawed in several civilized countries…yet we continue to inject our cows. And the last thing - Guess what is found in milk AND in all 3 stages of cancer? A protein called casein. I can go a lot further on this subject, but if you’re really interested, you can read up on your own.

IX. Thou shalt squeal excitedly at every single gift

- TRANSLATION: When you receive an incorrectly monogrammed gift, you still have to gush over how much you love the gift.

- FACTS: Yes, squeal. It’s from someone you love. Just keep the tears to a minimum if you can control yourself ;-)

X. Thou art a poor mother if you don’t breastfeed

- TRANSLATION: You are a failure if you can’t stick to breastfeeding

- FACTS: I’m all for breastfeeding. I’m going to give it my absolute best effort. Some children don’t respond to breastfeeding…and it’s completely OK if they don’t. I’m still learning a lot about this one…

Here’s the real skinny: I still follow these commandments in moderation and actually still consume dairy.  I can't help it if my ass is addicted to cheese. That said, as with everything moderation is key. The primary aim of this dissertation is to remind people that conventional wisdom is just that – conventional. When it comes to the health of you and your child, don’t blindly accept what every “expert” purports – do research of your own and take charge of your lifestyle.